Day One

Here’s the thing- I’m no expert on SSRI’s. I just had to look up the fact that it stands for Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor. I’ve done a lot of googling and such the past few days, but I’m nowhere close to a medical professional. Well, that might not be true… if you go to the same doctor I do.

And there’s the rub. There are plenty of good doctors and psychiatric professionals out there but, just like any other field, there are plenty of lazy ones as well. I guess I’m starting this blog, which will track my journey on an SSRI (in my case- Paxil), in order to shed some light on day to day living. Hopefully, a few others out there will join in and share their experiences. Everyone reacts differently to these little pills, I’m told, so various perspectives are crucial to understanding this line of medication.

Here’s a little background on me:

-I’m a 25 year old male, in relatively good physical health.

-I’ve had crippling bouts of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the past (I’m a checker), though for the past three years or so, it’s been more of a nuisance than anything.

-I can’t get to sleep at night and haven’t been able to for about seven years. Left to my own devices, I’ll skip an entire night’s sleep about every five days or so. To combat this, I’ve taken to ambien, lunesta, tylenol pm, benadryl, dramamine, or pain pills to fall asleep every night. This is something I hope to change.

-My therapist (who I saw six times before she started repeat herself over and over) thinks I have ADHD. I agree.

-In the past six months, I’ve started having anxiety attacks. They tend to come at night, which doesn’t help my insomnia.

-In the distant past, I wanted to kill myself. Obviously, I didn’t, and that sentiment has generally subsided.

I know I sound like one messed up individual, but most outsiders think I have it pretty together. I work two jobs- one I love, one pays the bills. I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. Despite some issues with specific people, I have a loving and supporting family structure. And I fancy myself a pretty smart lad, which explains why my condescending tone isn’t confined to blogging. At some point in the next six months, I am going to find a new job that pays the bills- one more in line with my fun job.

I went to the doctor this morning, knowing that it was time to finally get my seratonin levels in check. I’ve been on Zoloft in the past, which helped, but I made the mistake of discontinuing as soon as I started to feel better. I asked to be put on Lexapro, a newer drug than many of it’s more famous predecessors, but my doctor felt Paxil was the right choice. From what I’ve read, Paxil is one of the tougher drugs to get off of and has some of the higher rates of side effects.

I am not looking forward to my genitals becoming numb. Neither is my girlfriend.

But this is necessary, I think.

I’ll update this every few days. I’ll let you know when the Paxil kicks in. I’ll let you know when/if the side effects subside. I’ll let you know if/how it helps. And I’ll let you know how I transition to back to a drug-free existence.

It’s not going to be easy, but blogging should help me keep all this shit in perspective. If you’ve read this far- thanks.