Day Seventeen

Here’s a common criticism I hear about Paxil: “Sure, it helped even me out, but does it have to shut down all emotions?”

Well, I am not finding this to be the case. I can confidently say that I am feeling some positive effects of the drug, but the side effects haven’t really been that bad. For instance, I just had to put my dog to sleep. She was old and it was expected (maybe even overdue), but I was still able to get plenty upset.

I’ve also noticed that my sexual side effects have been very understated after the first two weeks. I’m on a low dose (10 mg of Paroxetine), so maybe that plays a part. I’m still walking down the same grocery store aisle a couple times if there is a hot girl to be found and I am still having at myself when I get home. Like I said before– I last a little longer, but this is not always a bad thing.

There are plenty of cases where people haven’t been so fortunate, but Paxil seems to be the right drug for me so far.

Day Thirteen

Things have been going pretty well. My sleep isn’t perfect, but it has improved. I’ve been very social and the panic attacks and such have subsided.

Even the sex stuff isn’t as bad as I remember Zoloft being. Instead of having at myself 5-7 X a week, it’s more like 2 or so times. And I am able to finish, it just takes a little longer. Between you and I, that might be a blessing. Except that my girlfriend is the one who really benefits there and that doesn’t concern me so much. But I guess that’s a whole different issue.

Anyway, things are looking up. It’s been almost two weeks and, while most of the effects have been mild, they are definitely making a difference.

Day Eight

I decided to drink this weekend.  Bad idea.

I got real silly, more so than usual, and spent the majority of Saturday in bed as a result.  I also shat blood, which I think is unrelated to the Paxil.

 I haven’t felt any different than since the last time I posted, but I’m hoping my sleep improves soon.  I could really, really, really use some sleep.

Day Four

I honestly believe I’m starting to feel it.  It’s tough to explain, but I have a combination of medicine head and better focus.

 I know that sounds contradictory…  It’s sort of like my ADHD is better, but I’m on lots of dayquil. 

I suspect that this is one of those adjustments your body has to go through in the first couple of weeks. 

 We’ll see.

Day Three

I’m thinking that this all has to be mental, but I do feel better today.  I’m at work right now, so maybe my actions are speaking louder than words, but I feel more attentive today. 

 My stomach feels better, so I guess I can’t blame that on the Paxil. 

 I’m thinking about sex a lot less already.  Masturbation was something I looked forward to, so I’ll miss it, but I have to admit that I am getting a lot more work done.

Day Two

I’m not supposed to feel anything yet and I think that is the case.  My stomach was uneasy all day, but that could very well be unrelated.  I’ll let you know if it continues.

Day One

Here’s the thing- I’m no expert on SSRI’s. I just had to look up the fact that it stands for Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor. I’ve done a lot of googling and such the past few days, but I’m nowhere close to a medical professional. Well, that might not be true… if you go to the same doctor I do.

And there’s the rub. There are plenty of good doctors and psychiatric professionals out there but, just like any other field, there are plenty of lazy ones as well. I guess I’m starting this blog, which will track my journey on an SSRI (in my case- Paxil), in order to shed some light on day to day living. Hopefully, a few others out there will join in and share their experiences. Everyone reacts differently to these little pills, I’m told, so various perspectives are crucial to understanding this line of medication.

Here’s a little background on me:

-I’m a 25 year old male, in relatively good physical health.

-I’ve had crippling bouts of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the past (I’m a checker), though for the past three years or so, it’s been more of a nuisance than anything.

-I can’t get to sleep at night and haven’t been able to for about seven years. Left to my own devices, I’ll skip an entire night’s sleep about every five days or so. To combat this, I’ve taken to ambien, lunesta, tylenol pm, benadryl, dramamine, or pain pills to fall asleep every night. This is something I hope to change.

-My therapist (who I saw six times before she started repeat herself over and over) thinks I have ADHD. I agree.

-In the past six months, I’ve started having anxiety attacks. They tend to come at night, which doesn’t help my insomnia.

-In the distant past, I wanted to kill myself. Obviously, I didn’t, and that sentiment has generally subsided.

I know I sound like one messed up individual, but most outsiders think I have it pretty together. I work two jobs- one I love, one pays the bills. I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. Despite some issues with specific people, I have a loving and supporting family structure. And I fancy myself a pretty smart lad, which explains why my condescending tone isn’t confined to blogging. At some point in the next six months, I am going to find a new job that pays the bills- one more in line with my fun job.

I went to the doctor this morning, knowing that it was time to finally get my seratonin levels in check. I’ve been on Zoloft in the past, which helped, but I made the mistake of discontinuing as soon as I started to feel better. I asked to be put on Lexapro, a newer drug than many of it’s more famous predecessors, but my doctor felt Paxil was the right choice. From what I’ve read, Paxil is one of the tougher drugs to get off of and has some of the higher rates of side effects.

I am not looking forward to my genitals becoming numb. Neither is my girlfriend.

But this is necessary, I think.

I’ll update this every few days. I’ll let you know when the Paxil kicks in. I’ll let you know when/if the side effects subside. I’ll let you know if/how it helps. And I’ll let you know how I transition to back to a drug-free existence.

It’s not going to be easy, but blogging should help me keep all this shit in perspective. If you’ve read this far- thanks.